


a study of hands

by edelclaude



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crimson Flower Route, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Kissing (at the end tho), Mutual Pining, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Pre-Relationship, i make stuff up about the layout of the rooms, implied at least - Freeform, metaphors and references about hands, tea time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23947570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edelclaude/pseuds/edelclaude
Summary: It is a night after a long day of defense against the forces of the Church and the emperor has invited Ferdinand to take with tea with her. And Ferdinand begins to think of why she is always wearing those gloves of hers.“If they were so hindering to me, I would not be wearing them.” Edelgard does not peel her attention away from the kettle and Ferdinand is unsure if he detects either dismissal or amusement in her tone. Perhaps both? “I may be stubborn to a fault, that may be obvious. But without common sense? I do not think so.”“My apologies for the miscalculation then, Edelgard.” A quick gesture of his hand furthers his apology. “A force of habit I must think. I must assist anyone in need as a noble.”
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Edelgard von Hresvelg
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	a study of hands

“What shall it be? My Hresvelg blend or your Southern Fruit Blend? Select what pleases you most.” Edelgard is the first to break the silence, her ever gloved fingers sitting upon the glasses of two different selections.

It is a scarce night of silence, all flames of conflict cooled down after yet another failed attempt to take the monastery by the forces of the church and the ever repeating phase of recuperation begins anew. The midnight sky is streaked with the silver of stars and lavender of the unknown, it is work of beauty that serves a peaceful comfort and now Ferdinand well understands now the placement of Edelgard’s quarters. He would not have given a second glance had he not seen the beauty himself — following the gaze of the emperor, a semblance of peace within her eyes as the view is taken in. 

However, the room itself does very little to showcase the extent of her personality — it is modest in its furnishings, though the desk that sits at the front is a myriad of papers and maps, though it is all very impersonal. Though it is not as if Ferdinand resents these simplistic aspects — well, almost he does, there is very little to extract information on about the emperor of Adrestia. Information about Edelgard — for all of their silly quarrels and arguments, he knows there is sincerity in their relationship and whether or not she’ll take to believing him, he desires to know more about her.

Almost being the key word because for all of his curiosity, he yet respects the boundaries of Edelgard’s privacy and if it were any other way he would not have made a fine noble. He sits before her once more in the bounds of her quarters upon her invitation because she had believed he appeared that he was in need of tea. There had been an expression of shock at the extension of such an invitation, however with Ferdinand and all of his nobility, he’d been gracious enough to accept.

Which brings them to this moment, Edelgard awaiting his answer.

“I do rather fancy myself a cup of the Southern Fruit Blend.” He finally replies. The nature of competition within him is absent, he thinks it not necessary to comment upon who is the better host of such gatherings. Besides, Ferdinand had participated in the battle as well, an event exhausting for all, and he had nearly collapsed into the cushioned chair just after their arrival into her chambers.

“Something tart and fruity to lighten the mood.” There must have been some chirp to her tone, however Ferdinand could tell because of the exhaustion that had even taken over her. “I cannot say that I disagree with your choice. It will be enjoyable.”

“At least there is something to enjoy during this time of the war.” Ferdinand laughs, though his laugh is quiet and it holds only a touch of humor and it is as if it is a straining effort for him express the emotion when he felt no humor.

“You always have been the one among us that has had the greatest fondness for tea.” Her voice was subdued, perhaps muffled with some other emotion but Ferdinand cannot tell Edelgard tenderly puts away the jar containing the Hresvelg blend. “I would hope it cheers you up.”

“As cheerful as one can get in the face of death.” In a sudden but subtle movement, Ferdinand is leaning forwards from the chair, a gaze of intent focused upon Edelgard in her movements of preparation of their tea with particular interest upon the gloves that ever enclasped her hands. Her gloves are the same shade of scarlet of her attire, often they shimmer as bright as flames in the sunlight and dripping ruby shadows — Ferdinand always though they held the image of hands bloodied with the rage of war. And yet she never parted from them, it is a way of saying she will never depart from the path she has carved for herself even if there is blood to trail among each step.

However, he no longer wears the pristine white gloves of his youth either. Most days of battle they are crimson with the blood of the enemies — blood that serves the purpose of carving a world worthy of their visions.

“What activities do you take pleasure in these days?” He pauses, an exhale weighted with the uncertainty of presenting such a question. “Or rather what soothes your nerves?”

“As one of my personal aids, Ferdinand, you should know that I do not have that kind of luxury of time to expend.” She pauses in her activity to peer at him, lavender gaze piercing with regret and while her tone is not accusing, there’s a sort of bitterness because of the reality of her world. “Though if I did have the time… Perhaps I would enjoy a novel or two. Exploration here and there.”

“Exploration? Of what kinds of places?”

“What you would like to know? However that will not ever be the case. I cannot ever allow anyone to exploit a potential weakness of mine.”

The room is quieted once more though it is not like the quietness of the battlefield, hung with the silence of death that ever haunts the ears of the living. The silence that hangs between them is something of a comfort — though had they been back at the academy, it would soon be shattered by arguments and foolish declarations. There has been an evolving nature about their relationship for these years of the war though a distance ever remains — it is as if it's a frozen lake thawed by the warmth of spring and yet the distance of the lake remains. Ferdinand has always wondered, nearly idly on some days, of Edelgard’s secrets forever hidden from the sight of the world. Especially the secrets not even known to Hubert. Was that even such a possibility?

“You do not require my assistance?” Ferdinand questions as he peers from the lounge of his cushioned chair as Edelgard beings the completion of the brewing process. “Do the gloves not hinder your movements?” 

“If they were so hindering to me, I would not be wearing them.” Edelgard does not peel her attention away from the kettle and Ferdinand is unsure if he detects either dismissal or amusement in her tone. Perhaps both? “I may be stubborn to a fault, that may be obvious. But without common sense? I do not think so.”

“My apologies for the miscalculation then, Edelgard.” A quick gesture of his hand furthers his apology. “A force of habit I must think. I must assist anyone in need as a noble.”

Though truly had he sought to assist Edelgard or perhaps he’d wish to view once more the hands scarred with silver — likely because of unnamed horrors that Edelgard will likely never name. It is a question that plagues the innermost thoughts of his mind, because the curiosity never had departed his mind from the time he’d taken a glance of her hands bare of any sense of gloves. Nevertheless the very sight had been the trigger of an emotion nameless to him and the questioning of the truth of that has brought Edelgard upon this path.

“I do not believe we should quarrel over such a petty subject, especially not in this valuable time. When we have the time to enjoy one another’s company.” The final words of her statement are echoes across the small space of the quarters, all the while Edelgard is shifting her position to finish the tea. Though the rapid aversion of her sight does not disguise the pale rose that is a dusting upon the corners of her cheeks (and little does Ferdinand realize that his cheeks are of a similar tint).

There is definite truth to her statement and Ferdinand will not argue what she has stated. The next day will be occupied with the rebuilding of fallen defensive structures, the planning of the next strategic movements of the imperial forces. However, for now, this is a peaceful conversation shared amongst the two of them. The future will not ensure them this same peace. 

“Very shocking to hear the emperor herself admit to that. However, I can not deny that I am of any dissenting opinion myself.” He is the first to recover the conversation though his cheeks may be colored with a shade of red. “I do enjoy your presence as well, Edelgard.”

Ferdinand is unable to peer into Edelgard’s features for even a hint of her reaction as she continues the final preparations for their tea. Already he is smelling the sweetness of the blend, the taste of the fruit upon his tongue — though for once his concentration is not given to the tea but rather to Edelgard herself, her movements graceful and far from constricted as Ferdinand would have assumed them to be in the clothing of hers. On the battlefield he had thought of her as agile as ever, as if the heavy armor and shield that she donned were the weight of muslin. However, he does not possess the language to spell that admission out verbally — at least not without the additional admission of the depth of his emotions pertaining to her. 

The passing moments are heavy with silence, laden with such a stillness that there is a distinct fear within Ferdinand that he spoken the wrong words. There is no sign to indicate otherwise — no gesture from Edelgard, not a word from her — she is pouring her concentration into the tea. However, at least he is not pestered with exclamations as he would have been during their days at the Officers Academy. 

“I am not positive on how long the tea was in storage, since I do not normally drink this blend. However, it does smell fine.” She has returned to stand before Ferdinand, fingers clasped around the cup of tea gently. Her expression is oddly serene — a trait that he would not closely associate with her, though he is of the suspicion that it stems from the state of exhaustion than any true state of peace, there is very little reason to be peaceful in these times.

“I trust you. I would not believe you to be someone to poison their right hand advisor. Someone that helps with leading the empire.” His voice teasing, he accepts the cup with grace, though taking note of the brush of their fingers in the exchange. 

The scarred hands of an emperor and he is there to guide them. To heal. His hands may not bear the scars of a past so horrid there is not a word about it but he will gladly give his hands to a cause that is visionary, that will change the world. And if her hands are to be the guidance, then his hands will be the tools to bring about this new world.

“However I have yet to decide the same for Hubert.” Ferdinand is quick to say after his acceptance of the cup, his focus entirely upon the image in front of him rather than the chaotic mess of his thoughts despite all of his desire to speak his truth to her. He hopes that Edelgard does not take any notice of his flinch outside of his thoughts though it is unlikely that she is without fail in any of her observations. Her observance is without flaw.

“Hubert has never been overly trusting of anyone, I must admit.” She pauses in her speaking and slowly drinks from her own tea, slow movements as if she relishes the flavor. “Especially not ever since…” The pause comes with such a suddenness that she is near stumbling with her own words — as if she has the intention of preventing a revelation from crossing her lips. The brief pain that is evident upon her features suggests that Ferdinand is correct in his assumptions. Even more evident by the erratic movements of Edelgard’s fingers after stumbling effort to place the cup upon the table and he thinks that it wasn’t just a moment of restlessness.

“My apologies. I should not have allowed myself to lose control of my emotions.” She is quick to regain the position of a regal figure upon a throne even if she sits in a mere cushioned chair though not even she could erase the haunted vision that clouds her eyes. 

Ferdinand had thought it would have been fine — at first. After all, he is a man whose duty first and foremost is to the empire and he always has a list of tasks to keep him occupied to keep him at arm’s length from the emperor herself. Or so this is what he had believed, to guide her at certain length and to prevent the budding of inevitable feelings he knows that will only serve to harm. He had always figured the true test of his patience would come through in their arguments about policy choices — not when Edelgard has been at her most vulnerable with him, to the point where a secret she obviously wished to be hidden was nearly revealed.

And Ferdinand wants to be there, not just as a nobleman serving his emperor, not as an act of nobility but to be there for Edelgard, to provide genuine comfort. But he’s doubtful she’s ever allowed someone to near her heart save for Hubert.

“As I have mentioned before, I will not force you to divulge any information.” The moments seem to be bleeding into one another and he is soon at the realization that he is kneel at Edelgard’s side, gaze upon her in his well-meaning gesture of comfort. “However, you do not need to shy away from your emotions. Not when it is you and I alone.”

In a manner that is instinctive to him, he draws his hand from his side and it rests atop the hand of Edelgard, fingers gently curling around the soft roundness of her hand. What is most surreal to him, however, is not his action but rather the silent acceptance of Edelgard and there is very much the expectation of his hand being slapped away — however time remains continuous and there is no such reaction that breaks the scene.

“You must think me foolish if I were to break down over a small memory of my past. What has happened in the past is insignificant to me now.” The lies are continuous and most obvious with each word that is spoken but Edelgard’s voice breaks and she is curling her fingers into the cloth of her dress, rigid with tension. 

“Do I think you a fool? I most certainly do not.” Ferdinand speaks in a firm tone that also is meant as a sort of comfort. Two fingers are rubbing soft patterns across the top of Edelgard’s hand not a pause in movement even as a most obvious scar is felt. “But I also do not believe that it is healthy to force yourself to bottle your emotions so intensively.”

“I have never seen you shed a tear, Ferdinand.”

“It is not just about the act of crying. It’s more complicated. More along the lines of forcing yourself to feel absolutely nothing when you have a great deal of emotional turmoil inside of yourself.” His advice stems from his own experience — he’s found it much less painless to freely express this emotions rather than have a forcible erasure of them. 

“I was half expecting you to say that it wouldn’t be very noble of you to cry.” Edelgard laughs, a ghost of a smile brushing her lips — perhaps an improvement in her mood.

“Maybe when we were back at the monastery I would have said such a thing. However I do hope I have improved somewhat in my attitude.”  
“Hm.”

They remain in that same position as he continues to gentle draw circles upon Edelgard’s hand with a few fingers, soft, fluid movements that are meant to soothe. He is well aware that this is reality and not some far off dream and yet he cannot help but feel the surreal nature of their situation — especially when Edelgard has removed her hand not for the sake of growing tired but rather she peels the scarlet gloves from her fingers, the revelation of the truth of her hands. Even if in silence.

“What are you doing? I thought you would not—“ His voice is thinly veiled of its shock, though she is quick to end his protest.

“I am still unsure if I will ever reveal the full extent of what happened to me to anyone… However you are correct, hiding my emotions in an unhealthy manner is useless to everyone.” She falls quiet for a moment as she places her hands upon her lap, pallid and nearly frail against the bright scarlet of her clothing. “But… Especially with you.”

Perhaps there is a semblance of her past within the image of her hands, Ferdinand thinks as he allows his gaze to sweep over the hands that appear much more smaller than what one would assume. They are only a fraction larger than the hands of a child, well-manicured as the hands of any typical noble, though they do not bear any sign of being painted, her nails are clear as day. His expression of cautious observation breaks off into one of quiet anger that is not quite readable as soon as his eyes fall upon the silvered scars that mar her hands. They are criss crossing one another, some particularly larger and nastier than other scars, though hurtful in nature all the same. Were these the very scars that had stripped Edelgard of her childhood — scars that no other human should receive, much less a child.

They are the hands of the emperor that he has pledged his life to, whose cause he’s given his devotion. Hands scarred with the flames of injustice and pain but ever striving towards the future even if it means to stain them with crimson.

And he will be there with her, his hands clasped within her own so that they may forge a future that is not only brighter for their people but for themselves as well. 

“So now you must know as to why I am so determined in my goals.” She is the first to break the silence once more, determination tied in her tone. Her secrets are yet left unspoken, however the image of her hands are enough. “Guide me as you will in your position as my advisor. However, I do not intend to force you into pursuing a fate that you do not believe in.”

Did she truly expect this of him? Disagreements will be natural, that is evident enough when involving oneself with the web of politics. However, she must know that he is with her in her vision.

“I am with you, Edelgard. Not just as your future prime minister, not as Duke Aegir. But as Ferdinand.” Again her hand is taken within his own, her palm against his palm, a shared warmth and connection between them. He never loses sight of Edelgard’s gaze as he brings forth her hand, lips brushing over the silvered scars as a butterfly may land ever so quietly upon a surface. The kisses are light, barely skimming the surface but there is connection enough to allow Edelgard to feel. It is an expression of his personal feelings and of his his duty to her — it is the perfect technique to allow him to express such emotion all the while keeping them tempered and at ease.He has accepted already that she may ever return what he feels and he must accept that this is enough. He must.

“Will you still say those words when you must bloody your hands? I know what I must do, but you do not have to follow me into this path.” Ferdinand understands her well enough, she does not wish to force anyone upon the journey to enact the transformation she desires to see. And this time it is her that initiates contact, fingers brushing against his cheek in her own way of affection. It is bittersweet,

“I have made my decision, Edelgard. It is not something that you can convince me to change.” He speaks the words against the skin of her hand, and firmly he holds her hand, as if he strengthens the both of them. “You are not alone in your goals, someone will be there to assist you. I will be the hands that will guide you to those changes.”


End file.
